Practical Tools for Changing Negative Beliefs

A student on retreat a few months ago shared that she admired people in her field who went off and built their own agency. She admired this from afar but also judged herself for not going after her own similar dreams. She wanted to work for herself and build her own schedule and business but relying entirely on herself also felt overwhelming. She also had an idea that she needed to have the security of being employed and didn’t have the same skills as those she admired. Sound familiar?

While your exact details may be a bit different, I think many of us have things we want to do in this one big, beautiful life we were given that we are not quite doing. It may be (like the above student) around changing the course of your work or getting more out there in promoting what you do, or maybe you want your relationship to grow or shift in some way but it feels stagnant, or you know you need to shift some body habits but you just aren’t doing them consistently. So why don’t we do the things we know matter to us? What is holding us back?

You may have read books, listened to the podcasts, or even gone to events, workshops or trainings to prepare you to make these shifts, but have a hard time translating this knowledge into actual action. What we read or listen to is likely housed somewhere in our conscious mind. But what is holding us back is often limiting beliefs which are housed in our subconscious — in fact about 95% of our behavior is governed not by our conscious beliefs but by our subconscious ones.

Limiting beliefs come in all shapes and sizes, but they are basically programs our mind is running on (often without our full knowledge nor consent :) what we are good at and not, what our value is and where it comes from, how we should act, what should matter to us and not. Most of us have limiting beliefs every day of our lives that hold us back from having the job, relationship, health, or income and security that we truly desire but unfortunately even if we are aware of what they are, we may not know how to change them.

Here are some common limiting beliefs :

I don’t have time to start x, y, or z. We all may feel like there are too many things we are already doing and not space for the things we really dream about.

I am not good enough, smart enough, or hard working enough. This is a big one that holds us back in our careers. It can mask that we are really afraid of failure (which may be masking our fear of success!!). We can also compare ourselves to a person who has the dream job, relationship, etc and get overwhelmed by the million steps it will take to get to where they are. Better to give up before we try than to “fail”.

I can’t afford to take the chance. It is too costly to my self esteem, my bank account, my family or the image others have of me. Better to stay where I am that risk this.

I don’t deserve it. This belief often shows up around love or relationships. When we believe we don’t deserve love, we may reject every potential partner or sabotage our relationships with fighting, or we may just avoid relationships altogether.

We know from yoga philosophy that our internal filters create our reality. We all see different possibilities and different struggles. For instance, a person who was made fun of when they shared something in school may have developed a belief that they are simply not good at public speaking. A person who grew up in a family where the parents were constantly arguing and belittling one another may have developed the belief that one has to “settle” in relationships. A person who grew up being told that work was something to simultaneously hate and spend a lot of time at may have a belief that it is hard to make money doing something fulfilling.

These are ideas, but not truths, or everyone would believe them to be true 100% of the time, for everyone. But this isn’t the case.

If our stories say the same , we will see the same reality play out in our work, body and relationships. If we instead work on identifying and then question and replace our negative programming with a new story, the filters change and our experience and results can be completely different.

If you are reading this newsletter, you likely have some experience with meditation, which is the practice of watching the mind think and observing stories we tell ourselves or emotions arising in response to the external. While this is a great place to start, I have found it isn’t enough to actually change patterns our minds run in or change negative self talk. This is where tapping (EFT) and nuerolinguistic programming come into place. Through these methods, we can unravel negative stories and programs housed in our subconscious and bring them into our conscious mind. And then we can question the validity of that story and replace it with a new one which reflects where we want to go. If this seems esoteric, follow me on Instagram where I have a few examples of how to use these practices to shift into new experiences in your body, work, and personal life. If you like this, I will add more. It is a new part of my morning routine and really changing my life.

I am doing more of this in my nutrition and coaching work, and even on retreat. Stay connected to hear more about this from me. :)