Thanks Given..

I have never been a big fan of Thanksgiving, that big American holiday, mainly because I don’t like celebrating colonizing native peoples nor the over-stuffed feeling that often pervades the day. : ) But I do love the actual naming of the day. A day to give thanks. Giving thanks, also called gratitude, is something I have been thinking about (and of course practicing) a lot in these last months.

In the last crazy months have been an emotional roller coaster for a lot of us. I know that I personally at times felt negative, hopeless, unmotivated, lacking, and just plain focusing on what wasn’t working or what I was missing or lacking more times than usual. One antidote that works for me every.single.time is coming to gratitude.

Every day without fail, I feel gratitude for my clients, living in a safe and well-functioning country like Germany, heaps of gratitude for the government and health care workers that have the hardest job ever. I also feel grateful for my dog, my boyfriend, my family and my friends. These are general feelings of gratitude I have every day as I’m sure you feel too with slightly different variations. But what about experimenting with having it as a daily practice? What are the benefits of that?

It turns out, that beyond sounding kind of nice, having a daily gratitude practice can significantly increase well-being, life satisfaction and even health outcomes. Robert Emmons, a leading expert in the field of Positive Psychology, studied the effects gratitude has on our emotional, physical and mental health. He found that grateful thinking can increase happiness by as much as 25 percent, while keeping a gratitude journal for as little as three weeks results in better sleep, more energy, more positive emotions, and better ability to express compassion and kindness, and even strengthens our immune systems.

We can have periods of high motivation to practice gratitude and, like our daily body habits, this motivation can last for… about a week. And then it’s gone out the window along with the long list of other things we “should” do that for whatever reason we don’t. So how about a challenge? A daily gratitude challenge from today until Christmas day.. So that’s about three weeks to “experiment” with this daily practice.. just to see what happens! Join me?

Habit change science can teach us not only about how to establish healthy body habits, but it can also help us in getting serious about any kind of daily practice. Buy a pretty journal and a nice pen, choose a time and a location to try this daily 1 minute practice and let’s begin:

Be Specific

Having a daily practice of gratitude changes our mental orientation. By “being on the lookout” for things to be grateful for, we slowly change what we focus on. You may feel grateful for a certain area of your life all the time. For me, I could write “I’m grateful for my dog (or my boyfriend)” every day, but I miss the forest for the individual, pretty trees. For instance, “Today my boyfriend gave me a neck massage when he knew I had a long day,” or "My dog snuggled up next to me when he knew I was feeling sad”. The more specific it is, the more it’s like a fun game you play with yourself to start noticing new things each day.

Set Realistic Goals

Any time we add something to our daily routines, it takes time and energy to add that thing. And we have lots on our plate most of the time, holiday times even more so. I always recommend clients insert habits that work for them, with what their life circumstances are like on a day in and day out basis. Ya know, the real you, not the pie-in-the-sky idea of you. Love the idea of doing a gratitude journal first thing in the morning but your kids always interrupt needing something? Then evening may be a better time. Plan for the real you, not the mythical one. :) There is a beauty in accepting ourselves as we are and acting from that place.

Make it your Own

We tend to follow through on habits that we make our own that fits our worldview and life circumstances, rather than when we try to apply someone elses’ idea of how we should do things… don’t ya think? If the idea journaling feels corny to you, try something else.. like a gratitude prayer before a meal, out loud to a partner or as a family, or write every one down on a scrap of paper and put it in a jar. You can leaf through them when you have a had a crappy, ungrateful day and see what happens to your perception of your day. :)

Spread the Love

When you want to start any new habit, know that is hard to stick to them. It just is. Life often steps in and we put it off one day, and then another, and then another, until our desired habit is but a distant memory. Doing things with others makes it way more likely we will follow through, especially if we are externally motivated by others. Get public about your desire to build more gratitude in life. I did this over the first lockdown on my Instagram account. Then I felt obligated to do it since I publicly said I would. It worked! I did do it for a month. :) If social media isn’t your bag, you could do it at the dinner table and spread the gracious love with your household members. Then the gratitude has the multiplier effect - you are grateful not only for your own blessings, but those you love. Win. Win.